Orange robots

Bought a new Orange Pay-as-you-go SIM.
Stuck it in the phone.
Tried to add credit.

ME > 450 (send)

“Welcome to Orange. Press 1 if you’d like to top up.”

ME > 1

“If you’d like to top up with a credit or debit card, press 1, …”

ME > 1

“If you’re topping up with a voucher, press 1 now to return to the start. Otherwise, hold on.”

“Ok, let’s top you up. What’s your postcode. Just say the post code.”

ME > “E17 7QW”

“Ok. And the house number?”

ME > “47”

“Ok. I’ve got 47 Penumbra Avenue, London, E17 7QW. Is that right?”

ME > “Yes.”

“Ok. Now, what is your last name? Just say it out loud into the phone.”

(stunned)
ME > “Kufluk”

“CUTNER. Is that right?”

ME > “Well, no, it’s not likely to be right is it – you’re just a computer”

“Ok, let’s try again. What’s your last name?”

ME > “KUFLUK”

“CLARK. Is that right?”

ME > “NO!”

“Ok, well, I can’t figure this out, so I’m going to have to pass you to customer services.”

“Sorry, I can’t ocnnect you to customer services because you don’t have any credit. Calls cost 25p per minute.”

“Would you like to top up now?”
“If you’d like to top up with a credit or debit card, press 1, …”

ME > ARGGGG!

I hang up.

When I called back later, I admitted to being Mr Elliot Clark. I confirmed that this was indeed the name on my credit card. I successfully added 20 pounds to my account.

To avoid confusion in future, I will be responding solely to this moniker. I would like to thank Orange for simplifying my affairs in this regard.